The Agonies of Thomas Brown
by Brasta Septim
Summary: A joint project between myself and Idiosy the Crusader.
1. Chapter 1

(a/n this is a partnership between Idiosy the Crusader and Brasta chapter was written by me,Idiosy,and the next will be by Brasta Septim.)

Thomas Brown sat down on his desk his vacation to Riverside,he couldn't wait to tell all those lost souls how great he did he know,he was being stalked by two of his worst enemies.

Thomas was typing down his new chapter,when he heard a sigh."Enjoying yourself?"

This caused Thomas to knew that voice without ever hearing it."Hello Percy."

Percy looked like he could've killed him,which he probably could."First,you label me as the bad guy and then you kill thing you know,I'm being converted by that little **.Then I marry Rachel,which isn't so then,after we defeat Hades,you have me marry is this,the Book of Samuel?That's bigemy!Now in days you get arrested for why are Idiosy and Brasta Septim going to hell?"

"Because they insult my great writing."Thomas said."I'm sure God will give them the bottom of hell for this."

"Well at least they write better than you do."Percy just shot him a glare.

"Why are you here anyway?You get a good role in my story."Thomas must be messing with his mind.

mitting adultery!You do know that practically no one even agrees with you?They all hate your guts."Percy said matter-of-factly.

"How do you exist?Your a fictional character used to brainwash thousands of innocent children."Thomas barked back.

"Sorry,but all of that nonsense is already taken by this King James Only jerk named Jack Chick."Percy replied,rather cooly."He seems to think by just reading Harry Potter you go to of hell,just wait until the Boss get here."

"The boss?"Thomas shivered.

"I'll give you a 's someone who hates your soul."at that Thomas fainted.

i


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: thomas meets Hades again (Idiosy-Brasta Septim productions) This chapter just me, Brasta.

When Thomas Brown woke up, he found himself facing a very angry looking girl with grey eyes. He recognized her as the girl he killed, annabeth. "Ahh, get back you **!" he screamed and jumped back while crossing himself protectively. Annabeth glared down at him, holding a bronze knife at his neck. "Miss me? I didn't miss you, for sure. I'm going to repeat the question my boyfriend asked you..why are Idiosy and Brasta Septim going to hell?" Thomas straightened the front of his shirt, muttered a few words in latin, and stood up. "Because they are evil satanic atheists who mock me, and therefore God!" Annabeth sighed and kicked Thomas in the spot where the sun don't shine. Instead of groaning in pain, he just stood there. "What was that supposed to do?" he asked. Annabeth raised her eyebrows, "Ahh, now I see why you keep calling me a **. And why you wanted to stone your girlfriend. Fianlly, someone decided to make you a eunuch!" And then Hades burst in, and the god and demigod exchanged much jumping and rejoicing, while Thomas looked on indignantly, "Hey, I am not a eunuch! God has made me impervious to pain, for I am a true servant of Christ, and-" he was cut off by Hades, who had a stygian-iron sword at his neck. "Give me one reason why you think those two are evil." Thomas gulped, and stammered, "Well they're evil satanic atheists who flame me on my stories! My stories glorify God, so all who mock them will burn in gell! I mean hell!" Hades glared at him, flames growing in his eyes. "Hell is my job, you idiot! Let's get something straight; if you are a servant of Christ, then your master needs to put you on a shorter leash. I may be a fictional character, but your stories have made me alive. And I will have your soul, not God. But some fun first." Hades turned towards Annabeth and said, "Speaking of shorter leashes, get shadowpaw in here. I'm sure he needs a new chew toy." Thomas shivered and siad fearfully, "Who is shadowpaw?" Annabeth answered before going out the door, "Let's just say he's a nice little puppy who likes his meat raw, bloody, and screaming in pain." And Thomas fainted, again.

8mins ago


	3. Chapter 3: Idiosy

Chapter three:Idiosy

After a few hours of having a nervous breakdown, Thomas was rubbing the spot where the sun don't shine with lotion. He was beginning to wonder who the boss was. Even though his brain was practically the size of a pea, he knew that Hades wasn't the boss. This boss, or bosses, were out to get his guts. What was he going to do?

When the door opened, Thomas didn't even have to look. "Hello Grover." when he turned around, he saw a satyr with a look on his face that was enough to make a horror movie seem like Sesame Street.

"You little **!"Grover yelled.

(the following is a infamous fanfiction author being beaten by a blood crazed discretion is advised.)

After Thomas woke up, he realized Grover was glaring at him. "You insult Pan in your stupid ** fanfiction. What did he do? The poor guy was practically an underdog."

"He's Satan! Ever see the horns and hooves on him? Filthy Satanist." Thomas snarled but Grover did not seem bothered.

"Pan isn't Satan!That whole concept wasn't even around back then!" Grover yelled. "Satyrs!" a group of satyrs walked in, carrying clubs."Let's show our little friend what happens to people who insult Pan."


	4. Chapter 4: Brasta

Chapter 4: Brasta

The satyrs stomed into the room like Jesus on a SWAT team, wielding clubs and nightsticks. Thomas fell back again and screamed, waving a cross in front of him while yelling, "The power of Christ compels thee, the power of Christ…"

"Shut it!" yelled Grover, whacking Thomas in the head. Stars exploded everywhere, and Thomas reeled back, dazed. "I'm not a demon, you idiot! Pan is a nature god, not Satan! How dare you insult him!"

(Warning: this next paragraph includes much painful beating. Viewer discretion is highly advised.)

The satyrs took their places around Thomas, and began whacking him everywhere they could reach. Thomas screeched in pain as a wonderful symphony of blows landed themselves upon his body. Within a few minutes, he was bruised, bloody, and rocking back in forth in the fetal position, muttering, "God will save me, God will save me. Thank you for testing my faith, Lord! I am still faithful!" Grover hit him across the nose with the club, causing a loud cracking sound to be heard around the room. "Owww!" Thomas screamed, clutching his now-broken nose. He looked up at Grover, and spat, "You filthy satanic ***! You are truly sent by the devil! If ypou do not free me, you shall…" Grover clubbed him in the back of the head again, laughing, "I shall what? Burn in gell? Try using spellcheck for once, you dumb ***! After this, we've got some more friends to see you. But until then…" he said, raising his club agin, "We'd rather you not see what we're doing." The club fell again, and Thomas's world went dark for the third time.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five:Idiosy  
>After being sent to the hospital,Thomas thought his day couldn't get any ,it did when Thalia Grace walked moaned."What is it this time."<br>"You little ** I convert in your story,but then Jerry kills me!Of course,that was completely OOC of me but still."Thalia growled,her spear and Aegis in hand.  
>"God will protect me from your wickedness!And he will destroy you,Idiosy,and Brasta Septim by sending you into the pits of hell!Amen."Thomas said, reality he was peeing his gown.<br>"Clarissa."Thalia said to another girl.  
>"Hi punk."Clarissa spat."Prissy told me about your ridiculous story and we're going to have fun together won't we?"<br>Thomas started praying."Oh heavenly father,blessed be my name,strike down these heathens and throw them in hell."  
>Then Silena Beuragard and the Aphrodite girls walked in,looking just about as formidable as Chuck Norris."Annabeth tells us you called our mom a we get done with you,you won't be able to look at the word lesbian without wincing.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6: Brasta

Chapter six: Brasta

Thomas screamed, only to find himself surrpunded by the pack of girls. He yelped as he felt lipstick being rubbed all over his face, makeup being smeared everywhere (and I mean, everywhere), and something long and flowing being draped over him. After a few minutes of this torture, the girls stepped back to admire their handiwork. Thomas looked in the mirror at the far end of the hospital room, and almost leaped off the bed in astonishment. He was covered in makeup and lipstick, and wearing a very short-skirted maid's outfit. But that wasn't all. It seemed Aphrodite had struck, for when Thomas looked down, he was missing something very important. Thalia just tapped him on the shoulder, grinning from ear to ear, "Yes, you're now a girl. It's only temporary, ofor now. Don't make us have to complete your transformation when you get back to normal later. Oh no, there are other plans for you. Thomas shivered, and started praying, "We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-" He was interrupted bay a kick from Thalia that knocked him straight off the a few moments of dazed astonishment, he got up and straightened his gown, only to be met with more kicks from Thalia, "Come on then!" She yelled.  
>"What?" said Thomas incredulously. "Had enough? The fight is mine, spawn of Satan!" He stood up, trying to act braver than he really felt. Thalia just glared at him, "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got nothing male left!" Thomas just retorted, "Yes I have." "Look!" yelled all the girls. He just shoved the comment aside and said, "Tis but a flesh wound." Thalia sighed, and took out a sword, "Look, I'll have your leg. Right!" She swung the sword, and it bit clean through his leg. Thomas felt no pain, but kept jumping up and down, screeching, "Right, I'll kill you for that!"<br>"what?"  
>"I'll bloody kill you, satanist!" He screamed. Thalia rolled her eyes and scoffed, "What are you gonna do, bleed on me?"<br>"I'm invinsible!"  
>"You're a loony!" With that, she sighed and whacked him upside the head with the flat of her sword. You can probably guess what happned next.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7: Idiosy

Chapter seven:Idiosy  
>After going back home,Thomas kept praying to this was a test to prove his ,the Hunters of Artemis walked in.<br>(The following is an infamous fanfiction author being tied up and beaten by discretion is advised.)  
>Thomas was kicking and ,it did him no good."Put a woman in her place?"Artemis asked."We'll put you in your ,all of the Hunters were on top of Thomas Brown,hitting the time they finished,he looked like Frankenstein's monster.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8: Brasta

Chapter Eight: Brasta

And there was much rejoicing from the Hunters. As Thomas remained in his semi-conscious stupor, he encountered a man walking toward him. "Oh, God it's Jack Chick! You are my greatest hero! Will you let me kiss your feet?" Jack Chick smiled down at him and said, "Of course. We both serve the Lord by disreputing Roman Catholicism and it's Pope." Thomas looked up at him, confused, "Wait...I am Catholic! The Church is not Satanic; it is the true Church of Christ!" Jack just chuckled and said. "I know you're Catholic, but you are fulfilling my purpose of making the Church look bad. Let's face it; you make Catholicism easy to mock. I know what Catholicism really teaches, but I still want to mock it because I am a hate-filled liar. You, on the other hand, are just a sad little man who is inadvertently doing the will of Satan. Have fun!" And Thomas awoke, to see a person standing over him, his eyes filled with loathing. Thomas sta straight up and said, "Who are you?" It was a teenager dressed in a floor-length cassock, a square of white showing at his throat. The teenager cracked his knuckles and said, smiling cruelly, "The name's Brasta Septim. And you have been consorting with Jack Chick, mocking my Holy Church. I have something very special in store for you."


	9. Chapter 9: Idiosy

Chapter nine:Idiosy  
>The next day,Jack Chick was writing some of his disgusting,mis-informed comics when the door o kids walked music played in the background. One was dressed like the don other was wearing a floor length, black priest robe. Behind them,a few other kids walked in.<br>"Mister Chick." the Godfather kid said.  
>"Yes,what is it?"Jack he knew it,he was being beat up by a hundred kids and guys with goat legs.<br>"I will have my revenge!REVENGE!"  
>The End? Not a chance. Next chapter, Brasta.<p> 


	10. Chapter 10: Brasta

chapter ten: Brasta

The kid in the floor length robe looked on as Jack Chick became the target of many furry kicks. Fianlly, he yawned and said, "Stop!" The kids stopped, and moved aside to let the godfather kid and the cassock-garbed kid through. The godfather kid sat down, looke Jack Chick in the eyes, and said in a heavy sicilian accent, "I have a proposition you cannot refuse." Jack Chick gulped. "What is it?" The priest-dressed kid gave him a cold stare and said, "You stop writing your comics, and stop consorting with Thomas Brown. Here's our deal; get out of the writing business forever, and never return." Jack Chick sttod up defiantly, yelling, "You satanic scum! You will burn in hell, Catholic son of a-" The kid sighed and gave Jack a back-handed pimp-smack that sent him stumbling backwards into the wall. The godfather kid and cassocked kid sighed in unison, pulled out thompson submachine guns and leveled them at Jack Chick. "Last warning, Jack. It's either leave the writing business, or say 'ciao.' Your choice." Jack Chick looked from kid to kid, and then bolted out the door, screaming, "I'll never write another comic again!" The two kids looked at each other, nodded, and said in unison, "One problem down. Then it's arrivederci, Thomas Brown."


	11. Chapter 11: Both of Us

Chapter eleven:Idiosy  
>For the finale,Brasta and I decided to make sure that Chick publications went down were tired of Rebecca Brown a.k.a Ruth Bailey and the rest of Chick's wicked disciples spreading lies about Catholicism and ,even though Chick was out of the way,the Publications were still running.<p>

Chapter twelve: Brasta

We went in and locked Thomas Brown in the building with shadowpaw. And Thomas Brown was painfully torn apart and eaten by shadowpaw, to which there was much rejoicing. And the people did burn Chick Publishing and all it's works and empty promises, and the the works of Thomas Brown went up in flames. The conceited bigot went to his proper place. The world was, again, safe from misinformed bigotry passing itself off as religion.

The End.


End file.
